As of late, I have filled my nights with movies, I have always found cinema to be comforting. It is so interesting to me that a literal team of super-talented people from all fields can come together and make a story that I can truly relate to and connect to. Some films I have watched recently and highly recommend are “Midnight Cowboy”, “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”, “Robot Dreams” “Jackie Brown” and “Joker Folie a Deux”. The last one I listed will be the film I wish to highlight regarding tonight's topic. Joker Folie a Deux has debuted with “mixed” reviews to put it nicely, and when I watched it last night I was just truly confused as to why this film has such negative reviews. I left the movie theatre with goosebumps and a mind full of ideas and feelings about the movie and what certain things meant to the overall story. Since the film is new still I will not discuss any spoilers, but for my no-spoiler quick review, I will say this. The Mise en Scene of the film is excellent in the visual storytelling of what Arthur is going through internally. This is especially known in the many musical sequences which I will say have fantastic set pieces and the fact that there are recurring motifs and props that play an important part in the sequences reward the observant viewer and give the film such a natural and layered progression. Speaking of progression, I would like to mention the acting in this film is just phenomenal, Joaquin Phoenix was even better in this film compared to the last one, and the script allows him to explore Arthurs' many emotions and mindstates. It is impressive how despite Arthur's vast emotional range in this film, it all still feels very consistent with his character. The supporting cast does an amazing job as well. First and foremost Lady Gaga was hands down a star in this. Her musical numbers will be looked back on as stunning, but for me, it was acting that truly stood out. She was able to be both alluring and unsettling and it fit the character of Harly so well. The rest of the supporting cast was phenomenal too, but I don’t want to spoil everything here. In regards to story and progression, I came into this movie not knowing what to expect, but I loved the direction they went with the characters and I found the direction of the story to feel truly natural due to the acting and set design I described previously. Overall I really loved the film and will be rewatching it soon enough, for me it is only 2nd to Dune part II this year.

Now what do the critics think about the movie? From what I have read they find the mere existence of the film to be confusing and thus it is bad. I just find that to be bad logic and it is something that is going to highlight a bigger issue I have been seeing in the art world as of late. Critic expectations versus The artist's vision is a battle as old as art itself. Every piece of art that comes out now will always have a “bar” to compete against, whether that is the artist's older work or pitted up against the work of other contemporaries. It is only natural for the mind to wander over to comparing, especially if you are going to be investing time into art, why would you choose an “inferior” piece? But here lies the fallacy, if the artist's new work is a drastic departure from the previous, the general audience will still pit it as if it was the new version of the old work. This is what I call the square peg in the round hole method of reviewing. Critic expectations and mindsets are biased by the artist's previous works and it stops them from viewing the new art through a new lens. For Joker 2, it seems a gripe many people had was that the film was “boring”. Now I can see where people are coming from with this. Joker 1 and 2 are to be viewed through drastically different lenses for me, for the first film I best enjoyed it from the lens of a character study of a man who was abandoned and deprived of nearly every basic human need. It is a test to see how much the human spirit can endure before resorting to primal urges of revenge, the highs of that film are false hopes, and even the Joker's biggest victory is shot from the perspective of him contained by justice in the end. The first film is about the degradation of a man to an animal, it is gritty, disgusting, and raw. As for the sequel I view it from an opposite lens, the Joker starts the film as a caged animal but longs to truly become human, yet he is viewed through a lens that will always keep his reputation as a violent beast. It is a movie about the longing for humanity at its deepest and most conflicted. If you come into Joker 2 expecting crazy shit to happen, then you will be truly disappointed. But if you pay attention to how everything is set up the movie will naturally take you on a journey and guide you through and complete the character of the Joker.

Okay, so what if you watch the film from a different lens and you still don't like it? Then you are 100% entitled to that opinion and I will respect it. If you gave something a try and it didn’t resonate with you, then you have every right to share that opinion. As long as you format your opinion as an opinion it can be as silly or shallow as you want, I don’t care. My problem lies when people try to pass opinions as facts without having any evidence to back them. I just saw this one YouTube video from a very big YouTuber reviewing Joker 2 titled “The Joker sequel is a disaster” and his closing arguments were simply the movie was boring and to only watch it if you want to take a nap. What a stupid take, and it pisses me off too because he views this film as a diss towards the first, when it is a natural progression of the characters. He never uses any real criticism other than saying things are boring. My biggest gripe he had was that he said the courtroom scene was pointless. The courtroom scene is ⅓ of the movie run time and is without a doubt filled with some of the most important scenes and lines in the whole film. You don’t have to legally like the scene but if you think the movie would have been better without such a crucial scene then you are objectively wrong. Instead of giving out boring and brain-dead takes of removing a scene, you can instead offer an exciting and innovative way to change a scene. Even if I disagree with a change I can see where they are coming from and understand their lens better. But if you delete a scene it just shows a flat-out refusal to adjust and understand the art you are consuming. For me when I hear people say to remove scenes from a movie it sounds like a child saying to remove onions from a burger. Removing the onions will drastically alter the taste and the texture of the burger and without all the chef's intended ingredients you can not rate his burger in my opinion. Now if you think the onions don’t work then offer a substitute to the chef, maybe you need to caramelize them? The caramelized onions would work better with the BBQ sauce on the burger while the raw onions are too distracting to the taste. This is a conversation and we can agree and disagree on. Removing the onions is simply an ultimatum and unless you can give me a good reason as to why the onions must be removed other than you not liking onions, then I will view it as a childish taste.

So what is my conclusion in this mess of a ramble, (Jesus Christ it is so late I'm tired as hell). WORDS matter. What we say is important and when giving criticism or praise it is important to have discussions and understand the “why” of things. Even in personal opinion-based enjoyment, you will find yourself to be a bigger fan of things if you have that “why”. Often our vocabulary is filled with idle and filler words that truly just paint a picture of contempt. How many songs do you listen to “bang” “go hard” “slap” or whatever generic statement you can come up with? If I counted all my “bangers” I would have enough for an orgy hahahhahaha. Look if you are on aux or at a party PLEASE use these words, if we are lit let's be stupid it’s okay. But if you want to talk about music or art in general, and want to feel actual fulfillment then take more time to understand your feelings on a piece and articulate yourself. You may find yourself not only understanding things better but also appreciating things too. Go outside and enjoy art, change your lens, and even debate your contemporaries. It is all healthy and fun, after all when it comes to art what you get out of it is what you put into it. CIAO!

(ps yes I am still retired, I only wrote this out of spite. - mousa 4:54 am 10/6/2024)

My art journey truly began when I was 8, I had a love for making comics and scribbling. Those school notebooks I had were rarely filled with anything of educational value but instead, they were filled with caricatures of my friends as these stupid comic book characters. I was taking Karate then, and on the bus, I had a friend named Ian. What I remembered most about Ian was that this kid had these chipmunk-like cheeks on his face, and one time on a speed bump I saw them recoil and I thought it was the funniest thing of all time. This started my comic obsession where I would give him the powers of super stretchy cheeks and he would fight villains. As I learned more about his life story I added elements of that into my book, such as his crush being the main villain / redeemed sidekick in the sequel. I was mostly inspired by Adventure Time, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones (despite never seeing either Star Wars or Indiana Jones, I just guessed the plots from the Lego games). The comics were stupid but in class, I would make them to show my karate friends after school. It was dope, my brother was my biggest fan then and he still thinks those comics are good (blinded by nostalgia). I was happy.

In eighth grade, I got my first phone and opened an Instagram account. In my first few posts on Ig, I had a gimmick of posting these fake inspirational quotes and then every once in a while I would write a short story in my captions and tag my whole class. I was so annoying and had no idea how to use IG. I didn’t care about an image and rarely posted myself, I always thought what I posted said more about me than any selfie could ever. I no longer hate posting myself on IG, but it has to be a damn good reason tbh (and yes a hard fit is a damn good reason). I enjoyed writing the stories though and the classmates I tagged would leave comments gassing me up. I was rather liked for my talents at storytelling, despite my stories being a paragraph long and having the complexity of a Taylor Swift song at best. I was happy.

In my sophomore year of HS, I became a meme rapper. It was stupid and cringe. I hate the music so much, this is where I began to fail in life. I traded my humanity for this character of something I was not. Meme rap is stupid, but the way I was doing it was insulting to the art form and I should have never done it. It wasn’t funny, and I had no reason to be doing that. I love rap as an art form, even when I was making meme rap, but I failed to understand the true implications and value of music as an art form. I did it all, stole beats, used rhyme zone, and did bad impressions of 21 savage adlibs, it was just bad and tasteless. I had friends who gassed it up though still, I know some of them were low-key embarrassed, but I became a character locally and I enjoyed it despite my grades suffering. Despite everything, I was still happy.

College I decided to get real, I wanted a job, and to be viewed as a respectable man, not a cartoon character. This is when I started doing some of my best work. My music was better, my videos started having an artistic vision and lastly, I got back into writing. My writing is the thing I love the most, it is easily my best asset as a creative. I was making so much stuff, yet as each year passed I felt I was losing something within myself. I reinvented myself successfully, but I must confess, I was happy and I could have been happy.

The lie, I believed was that art would make me happy, and the better I was at art the happier I would be. I used to believe that all this time I was doing this for me, but now I have come to realize how selfish that reason truly is.

The truth is that art is a powerful tool for expressing yourself, but is useless without other people. Art cannot be created in an eco-chamber and only existed due to the context it was made in. I can’t still make art if the reason I made it is no longer true. I didn’t want fame or fortune, I wanted to feel seen. My best days as an artist were those where I would speak one-on-one with other creative people. I enjoyed sharing ideas and seeing the people I grew up with become amazing artists who I can genuinely say are some of my favorite artists right now. It was a privilege truly, and this summer it was something I took for granted. I was obsessed with myself, that I forgot that it was the people that made art worth it.

They say all art is political and I agree, inherently it is a statement on human evolution and the fact that we can spend years making things is truly a blessing and a sign that community is a powerful tool that gives us more freedom than individualistic lifestyles. I was privileged and I had all this time to make art when there are people who don’t have that time because they need to eat, or a place to sleep. For that, I believe that 95% of “self-made” artists are bullshit, you can’t be an artist by yourself there is always someone to be thankful for. It can be a teacher, a friend, or even a YouTube video, but the fact is there is always homage to be paid. I have failed to pay homage, and despite being the best I have ever been artistically, I now lack purpose for it. I have always made art I enjoyed, but my enjoyment came from making people I care about happy. Art is a way to share ideas, but without people to share it with, I would just be insane. I no longer wish to create art because it doesn’t make me happy without the people I care about.

Author note: I was inspired to write this after hearing of one of my old high school classmates passing away. My condolences are to the Woolsey family. I am terribly sorry for your loss. Please keep those you care about close and never be afraid to ask for help if things get rough. It takes bravery and courage to ask for help, I know for myself I couldn't muster the strength for help when I needed it most and I lost many things. I must stay thankful for what I do have and try to rebuild better. Rest in peace, to those who are no longer here today and I pray the family is filled with nothing but strength during these trying times.

What makes a beat novel so interesting to me is the fact that most of them are vaguely disguised autobiographies. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is based on Hunter S. Thompson's trip to Las Vegas as he covered a motorcycle race. The motorcycle race was something he covered in an unorthodox way, thanks to being on a massive bender. He would later turn in an article “highlighting” the race, but it was really just a collection of his thoughts and observations around the race more so than the race. The paper went from a 250-word photo assignment from sports illustrated to a full-blown novel. This was the creation of Gonzo Journalism, where the reporter creates a personal narrative around an event, rather than objectively recording.

Aside from drugs and alcohol, another common subject of the Beat era was the idea of running away in search of freedom. Many authors of the time, like us today, found the classic characters to represent a farce. They knew that the version of America they represented was either long gone or never even existed. These men sought out their own meaning in this country that has left them hungry and unsatisfied. Many of these men will carry that dissatisfaction with them for their entire and often short lives, as many of them would end up committing suicide either by addiction or gunshot. It is such a shame that many of the authors who inspired the hippie movement, Rock n Roll, and counterculture in general ended up never giving a satisfying ending to the one story they never finished.

The story of your life, contrary to popular belief, is something I believe you can shape and mold just like any other story you write. Matter of fact, I find myself having less control when I write my own fictitious works rather than living my own life. When I write fiction, I often times find myself with hands that move on their own as my characters develop their unique minds and consciousnesses that are separate but still connected to me. Writing good fiction is equivalent to having a child, in the beginning, you can shape it up to an idealized version of yourself, but whatever weaknesses you may have as a person will end up reflecting on both your art and your children. In fact, you can live your whole life lying to the world, but it is the pen and blood that will always see through a facade. This is why I find writing my book to be nauseating at times, I don’t want to talk about things in my book, but the characters I created choose to do so and my hands are no longer my own. I find my writing style in that regard to be very similar to the Beat Generation, we both wish to find meaning in existence through means of travel and exploration, but I do not wish to have my story end like those before me. Today I will dissect and talk about what the Beats got wrong.

Traveling to Philly earlier this month changed my perspective on the purpose of travel. I went to Philly only expecting a cheesesteak and some funny clips for a bootleg Anthony Bourdain show I was making. Little did I know that throughout the process of filming, I just couldn’t help but notice everything around me. Not in an overstimulating way, but more so in a welcoming way. It felt like seeing color for the first time after living life in greyscale, my eyes enjoyed every second of it and my other senses followed suit. In my video I kept, yapping about the 5 senses, but I do mean it. Opening myself up to experience what a city offers made me find a new version of myself. I was at peace, and because I could feel the outside world, I could feel the world of emotions within. I didn’t even do anything too “crazy” in Philly, just a few public parks, a museum, Newgrounds HQ, and some food, yet I felt so stimulated despite all my previous adventures being grander on paper. This trip made me realize that many of my trips I spent with idle eyes. Sure I could see, but for most of my life, I felt as if I had never used my vision to its fullest extent.

We take many things for granted truly, the fact that I am able bodied and minded is a true blessing that I have taken for granted. Those who aren’t able to experience everything, try to make up for it by maximizing what they do have. It is a shame that it takes for people to lose something so vital to hold dear what they have always had. I took so much of what I had for granted, the thing I took forsaken the most isn’t a sense though. It was my memory, you can have the best eyes in the world but if you never create memories then everything you see will always be void once it is over.

The power to create and cherish memories is something that I believe the Beats have failed to truly capture. Oftentimes on beat adventures, they created a false reality due to an influence of drugs and alcohol. I am by no means saying every memory should be a perfect recreation, in fact, a memory is more special when you can create a narrative around it. Your favorite memories are rose-tinted even if you were sober because life is filled with euphoria and joy that can alter your perception far greater than any other drug. The beat's use of substances wasn’t a way to alter memories, but rather to numb them. Oftentimes you see people who spend thousands on a trip and go on a massive bender just for them to not remember anything afterwards. I find that to be pointless to forget such spans of time. Now I am by no means advocating for a straight edge lifestyle (i'm a saint I know), some of my favorite memories involve me drinking, and smoking… not so much, but I truly don’t see the evil in it from time to time. However, despite being able to have fun and create memories with such substances, I should not confuse them for catalysts. I don’t need to drink or smoke to have a good time, I can be all peachy before I grab a brew, but if I am already feeling good then hell yeah I’ll take a beer why not right!? This is what Beat’s missed out on, oftentimes behind their adventurous writing lies panic-stricken and empty men, who truly have never experienced what they speak of. An eternal loathing and yearning for the gift they will always reject.

The gift of hope is what I have finally received in Philly. Sure the food was delicious, and the art museum was gorgeous. But I honestly would have not cared as much if it wasn’t for the feeling of hope and optimism I felt when I explored the city with a true friend. As a Palestinian-American I find myself falling into the abyss of hopelessness. I truly do feel a survivor's guilt, why do I live in a country that has treated me so well, while also supporting the death of my own people? I feel as if I am tied down by my own identity and I lack the ability to truly enjoy anything. Everything comes at a cost, the phones we use are products of slave labor, the taxes we pay to fund a genocide, and the people we vote for truly don’t give a fuck about us since every politician is a shill that can be bought and swayed to the highest bidder. I truly do hate this country despite my privileged upbringing. I hate so much about the things I can’t control, I wish I was born different truly. These were the sentiments I brought up to my friend Said on the trip to Philly. When you look at things from a global scale you will only see the worst in humanity. Our societies and structures are just mirrors we build to reflect our beliefs of power and superiority above nature. The world we created is entirely self-indulgent of the idea of human superiority, a truly dangerous idea, because instead of living a life of love and benign connection with nature, you choose to live a life of being “the best” at the cost of making everything else worse. The global scale will not change until we change our reflection, I was able to find my hope again through travel and noticing the power within the community. Communities are as important as they have ever been during these trying times. People who support other people without the need of mega corporations and monopolies destroying any semblance of love is a feeling that I have lacked for a while.

Philadelphia is called the city of brotherly love, and I immediately found out why. The city is founded on the cultural idea of small businesses supporting each other. On the same block where I had my cheesesteak, I was able to literally walk to the supplier for their bread, meat, and cheese. This is something unheard of in the DMV area, where you can get massive bulk orders from Amazon to keep your fridges stocked. Hell, even the packaging and aprons are from these little shops just across the street. All of these shops are family owned and there is a pride in that to me. Seeing people support people for generations creates communities and culture. With communities being created, then it is only natural for kindness to be birthed. Kindness (as per my last blog), is the best trait I think a person can have. I was blessed to see kindness not just from my friends, but also complete strangers. In the video, you will see Ivanallmighty give us a tour of Newgrounds. He didn’t have to do that, but he did because he noticed that we are fans of the website. It is gestures like this that make me realize that hey, I am not alone and if I want to see change and have a brighter outlook on the world then I first need to change myself and then my community.

This is what I urge you to do, keep hope and hold on to optimism. People may call you delusional, but delusion can only exist when optimism isn’t rooted in anything. Make your beliefs steadfast and put them into something greater than you. Believe in art, education, god, humanity, kindness, anything you feel strongly toward and practice the mindset religiously. The Beat’s saw the world but could only see a reflection of themselves, I want to see the world and it be a reflection of love. Keep hope, and lead change with passion and love. The people of Palestine have kept hope, so what is stopping me from doing the same? Things will get better because I will make them better from the ground up.

Do not fall into hopelessness, in the city I saw many hopeless people. It filled me with sadness, to see such depravity, from the junkies in the metro station to the robberies I saw on social media. It does make me sad that people have to view this as their only escape. These people aren’t hopeless because they do drugs or steal, they do such things because they are hopeless first. It is in the worst of society where I see my reflection, I could have ended up just like any of them if my circumstances were different, so I shall not judge. I don’t want people to live like this, so instead of judging and building up a castle of superiority, I instead try to help and build others up in order to not just better them, but for them to become lights in their communities. Keep love for those who are hopeless for they need it the most.

To conclude, don’t just use your senses, instead experience them and explore how things make you feel when you create your memories. The Beat’s in the end never fully got over their own reflection and fell into hopelessness and being tragic examples of tortured authors. Enjoy life and bask in the smaller things, because those are the things that are pure and rewarding, and believe in something greater than yourself to avoid a life of hopelessness. Go find a place and explore it, until next time may your adventures be wild, and your stories be grand - Mousa

10) Genesis - Peso Pluma

Peso Pluma undoubtedly had one of the biggest years for an artist in terms of blowing up, but numbers aside I would like to spotlight his album. Genesis is a phenomenal album that combines ballads, urban and cartel-influenced music so well that the album gives off a rich texture filled with culture and passion. The track "Lagunas" is my favorite, it's an emotional and somber ballad about him missing a woman that he had to split from for the sake of both of them, In the chorus he talks about how in his mind he likes to think that in another universe they got together and were happy. Other tracks like "Prc" have great energy that just makes me want to dance, the music feels like a live recording in a good way. the way the band is mixed in with the vocals, as opposed to the vocals feeling on top of the instrumentation. it's something you will get when you listen to the music, the energy just translates so well without the need to be overproduced and that is definitely his strongest attribute. I highly recommend this album, it might even be higher on my list if i spoke Spanish tbh, but as someone who is not fluent in the language, I can still say I really love this project.

9) E O - Cero

I was going to gatekeep this one tbh, but that wouldn't be right because I found this album from a friend posting it on their story. This is a Japanese art pop record filled with ambient strings, psychedelic keys, and relaxed production, all these elements collide with the calming and even somber vocals really well. This is one of those albums that feels like the album cover and I think that is my favorite thing music can do, other projects on this list also do this really well as well, but I will get to those later. I really don't know any of the lyrics but the vocal delivery on the last track is just cinematic, it's absolutely gorgeous and feels like an emotional climax to an album that takes you on a journey from sunrise to sunset in a small oceanside town in Japan. I like to think the last track is waking up from a dream, or maybe entering a new one, maybe it is a metaphor for death and that's why the album cover is so fuzzy like a fading memory. despite it being over you can still feel it inside you still. You can never really lose a memory if it changes you in the end. but i could be 1000% wrong here and the album could be about hot dogs for all i know, I still love this project.

8) l3ft 4 d3ad - Hi-C

Hi-C is an artist you either love or you hate. I personally think his music goes insanely hard. This project has Hi-C rapping at probably his peak, I personally like melodic Hi-C more like on the Lonestar mixtape, but I still really enjoyed l3ft 4 d3ad. D3us 3x is a great track the beat is just so hard and Hi-C raps with such confidence that whatever he says sounds hard. Parano1d Hi-C takes a shot at Diamonds on my dick and actually destroys him he said "Pushing 30 tryna fuck on a teen got exposed on the gram whole world know you a creep" and "I can't pass her to you, you give hoes STDs". I love it when an artist doesn't rock with pedophiles cough cough (A$AP Rocky). Hi-C is just hard asf man, i really love Hi-C music, I went to the grocery store today to buy Hi-C drink just to feel more like him.

7) Metropolis - Kahlil Blu

Metropolis is the 3rd album from Kahlil Blu and it is easily his best work yet. This album shines in its versatility 22 songs but they all got different sounds. The title track is a great example of his talent, the beat starts off with this great piano sample and he just starts rapping the flow is tight and the chorus is mad catchy, then the beat switches to this pro era type boom bap beat and he slaughters it too. there are other types of music too, jersey club in "NO TIME" and "ANNOYED", Alt-rock in "MIDNIGHT MAN" and Rage inspiration in "Memory". Overall the variety is dope and he self-produces his stuff too which just adds to his uniqueness.

6) Lovesick - Don Toliver

Don Toliver is an artist that I never really gassed up like at all, like i fw his first project and what he did on "Moon" is still generational so when he dropped his new project i was not too hyped at first, especially since i found his last album to feel just like expensive sound. to me he always made music that sounded good but never really said anything. This album though I was really surprised, the main theme of this album is relationships the ups and downs of it, its mostly just lust though in all honesty, but its an improvement for sure. As for the music mannn I love this project Don Toliver varies his production and gets acoustic on some tracks which is a welcome change, he lets his vocals contrast with the production instead of sounding like another part of it. "Leathercoat" is a great song he does this flow around the 2-minute mark that is just so smooth, "Bus Stop" is a jersey-inspired dance track with Brent and it is just as fun as it sounds, and "Encouragement" is just a really smooth closing track Don sounds very charismatic and it really feels like a victory lap for him. Last but not least I need to shout out the best song on the album "Go Down" which interpolates tisa koreans backseat and Don's vocals over that beat just feel like a perfect match and Don was so real for showing Tisa love.

5) Loreseeker - bbygoyard

Bbygoyard dropped 3 projects this year, but this one is easily his best. Loreseeker is a great listen, I love the radio-style presentation of the album plus DJ Smokey's tags are just funny. This is not to take away from the songs by any means though the soundscape of this album is intense, "Now I've Become Death" is a drum n bass song that goes insane in the car, "Save Urself" has these guitars that just bleed in the mix and Bbygoyard has such a spiteful delivery that the song just feels evil in a good way. I'll say my favorite song is the final track "So Much for a Pleasant Goodbye" has elements of vaporware, shoegaze and rock, and it creates this just momentous and emotional closing track. It is very impressive how great it sounds actually especially if you come into the project only knowing him for his funny tiktok song.

4) Mid-Air - Paris Texas

Originally this album was number 5 for me but I read an article saying Richie from "The Bear" had this album in his top 5 THINGS of 2023. top 5 THINGS btw not ALBUMS, but THINGS like that's hugeeee so I had to revisit this project, and I saw the hype. when this first dropped I didn't even like it for real. It took me until August to get the album and once I got it I just loved it. This is a real-life Rap/Rock album and it really bangs. the first 2 tracks flow together so nicely that it feels like one song and they both hit hard. The third track "DnD" got a great Kenny Mason feature where he addresses racism in the rock world while still going off. "Sean-Jared" is just a fun song where the duo go flow for flow and the beat progression is just fun to hear. "Closed Caption" is a great breather in the album where the duo reflects on how life can deal a shitty hand with a guitar beat that just build to a chaotic climax in the end. "Panic!!!" is my favorite hype song on this everything is on point. "Full English" is funny asf but I can see how some may view it as annoying, but teezo had another gorgeous feature on it as usual. the last track "we fall" closes the album off amazingly they talk about just being locked in despite getting hated on or missing out on love, the second verse is just phenomenal. I really do love this album go listen 2 it urself fr!

3) Utopia - Travis Scott

Travis dropped my most anticipated album this year, I was so hyped for it that I even made a blog about ONE album. First of all the rollout was just a blast we had a movie, the briefcases, and the hidden features initially just made me so hyped. When the album dropped I was in my car with 2 homies, shit was bumpin' fr. On first listen i thought rob49 was YB and i started getting soo turnt i shook the whip hahahha. sadly it wasn't YB but Rob49 killed that verse. the album is just filled with so many hype moments "Fein" "meltdown" hyaena" and "Topiatwins" have probably become house party anthems by now. this project combines Travis's darker aesthetics from the rodeo era with the pure hype of the Astroworld era. I really think it's his best album.

2) Burning Desire - MIKE

MIKE has been great for a while, but this album deserves to be in a museum. MIKE produces and raps his ass off on this, so many tracks to talk about but I'll keep it brief. "African Sex Fantasy" is one of my favorite beats this year, just so hard and it got that little dog woofing its dope man. "Snake Charm" oh my god its smooth but so sad MIKES lazy delivery works well with it he said, "it means the most when you hit me it show i exist". I had to pause the song when I heard that, because I legit got goosebumps, hope he is doing well real talk. "Set the Mood" is just so smooth MIKES ears for samples is undefeated I swear. "Mussel Beach" is my favorite MIKE verse ever he just eats its up and leaves no crumbs. There is so many other songs I fw off this project but I don't have that type of time to write it all, just listen for yourself and see!

1) A GREAT CHAOS - KEN CARSON

I just really love this album, when I was talking about aesthetics matching music earlier, this is the prime example of that. Ken delivered big time, I genuinely love every song on this album. The crazy thing is I didn't care about it dropping at all, my homeboy told me about it the night it came out, and my apartment power went out so I said fuck it let me drive around. 3 albums dropped that night, Burning Desire, Then You Pray for Me, and AGC. As you can imagine it was a really good car ride... I love this album so much ill go track for track on it.

"Green Room" - F1lthy production and Ken Carson just talks his shit I love this opener its both about flexing and feeling lonely, it shows he uses materialism to fill the void.

"Jennifers Body" - dunn du dun dun du dun dunnn FUCK this song is fun man, Ken just has a different flow on this its a fun song. that chorus mannn i scream "2 things i never seen" all time now

"Fighting my Demons"- he is not playing fair putting this after jenifers body, this song is harder than JB, and that ending is just peak music

"Singapore" - Ken n Lone area great duo but I can't take Lone verse serious he just sooooooooo dumb sometimes if ya know ya know! but ken said "if you tak to me you talking to the money yea im a walking ATM" and this generational truly

"Lose it" - here is the most chaotic track on the album, and I think its just phenomenal i love the beat so much

"Hardcore" - just a banger, he fully embraces the chaos I wanna fight someone to this song

"Me N My Kup" - that part in his verse where he changes the flow is so elite the little melodic section is really catchy too

"Its over" - its a good interlude very chaotic too but he shouted out lil baby soooo W

"Succubus" - DAMNNN HE FUCKING HATESSS HER FR

"Paranoid" - better than Singapore IMO, the beat is just soooo catchy espeically in the end where the synth gets introduced

"Pots" - the beat is just really cool, and the melody at the end is fire

"Like This" - Uzi had a great verse felt like vintage uzi, they kinda ate it ngl

"Overtime" - Ken is ambitious but i really doubt he will become a billionaire

"Vampire Hour" - this line alone makes this song a W "I'm a vampire, yeah The only time I change is when I turn into a bat That boy changed, we thought he was real, he turned to a rat"

"nightcore 1" - love how the chorus answers the question proposed in the bridge

"nightcore 2" - he is such a loverboy in this!

"Rockstar Lifestyle" - he kinda sounds like future on this

"i need u" - what did you spend ur racks on!?

i really just love that album hahahhaha

Conclusion

it has been a great year for alt rap tbh, so many interesting releases and I have been truly enjoying it all. what albums did you like this year LMK and I hope y'all have a happy new year! may 2024 give us more life and fun

1) How do you sleep at night - Teezo Touchdown

Now this album isn't bad by any means, its actually average to me, but I feel it is a massive waste of potential. Teezo is an artist that I really started fw this year after seeing him in NYC I became very excited about his debut project. The project dropped in September when I was (surprise surprise) going to NY again so it was a nice full-circle moment for me. The first listen of this project is definitely the best if you are just down for the ride, teezo tackles so many different genres and it is just a blast on first listen, but the flaws started to glare when I realized that, not many of these songs are really songs. a lot of them feel more like ideas especially in the latter half with "Nu Nay" and "I Don't think u c me" even the longer songs are really just combined mini songs, for example, the best and worst track on the album is "Too Easy" on my first listen of the project I kept skipping the song cuz it just gave me a fucking headache, but one day I forgot to skip and a minute 40 later the song completely changed to teezos BEST vocal performance ever. The way tiktok was gassing up his feature on for all the dogs is how they should have gassed this verse cuz it just makes me cry sometimes. I think this is teezos biggest problem, he prioritizes being weird over being good, he can sing like a MF when he wants to and I like weird music like the rest of yall, but when you sacrifice quality just to be different it just leaves me thinking "what if?"

2) For all the dogs - drake

Now this album is just embarrassing, I loved this when it first dropped but like room-temperature milk, it went bad fast. This is bar none Drake's worst project in my opinion. Drake is pushing 40 and getting mad that his 25 year old ex doesn't like him even though he has more money than her new man... it's just kinda sad to see after all these years, drake lost what made him... him. It can be argued that drake was always a womanizing misogynist, and I am not here to play a lawyer but it is undeniable that drake also used to at least be more self-aware. A great example is on the song "Too Good" if it was just drake I would walk away thinking wow he is kinda douche, but the song is saved from a riri ft showing that drake is aware that maybe he isn't all that. that nuance is lost in his latest project. "her loss" had this same problem too but at least that album is fun and grew on me while for all the dogs makes me more and more sad to be a drake fan. P.S don't get me started on that deluxe soooooo ass! for all the dogs is the first Drake album that I can't play anywhere. Drake has always been a soundtrack artist for me, his albums have always fit a specific thing for me weather it be a season, place or person for example, Honestly nevermind is my go 2 plane album, More Life for the islands, Views in the winter and Take care on a sentimental night. This album doesn't have that effect for me which makes me truly sad especially since he postponed his concert for this stupid album. I will forever be mad about that!

3) Cracker Island - Gorillaz

Just meh, i mean its a solid synth-pop album. i really can't even speak on it too much. the bad bunny song is great though.

4) Kaytramine - Kaytramine

When this dropped i was ridin it harddd man (pause), but that high only lasted a week. I think the project was a huge fumble by both Amine and Kaytranda. A lot of these beats are just kinda whatever, and Amine should have gone with a more melodic direction like he did on TWOPOINTFIVE. I mean I liked some songs though, forever, sossup, and STFU3 are dope asf, but this album had SUMMER ANTHEM written all over it but just ended up being a passing breeze.

5) Voir Dire - Earl

We need to have a conversation about the alchemist man. His beats are boring, its the same trick he's been doing for years now (insert meme of the game using the same bar) and I am sick of it. He slows down any rapper he works with, after earls project sick I was excited to see what he would cook up next, especially after a great single plus an immaculate homage to MF DOOM from Atlanta season 4 I had a lot of reasons to be hyped for earl. the album itself is fine though, earls raps are as good as they always are, but these beats man just bore me. the track "Mancala" is my favorite because I love Vince Staples and the beat actually has some energy which is dope. "27 briads" is dope too love that guitar

Conclusion

I hate that these albums didn't stick for me, I do fw these artists. the good news is that they don't have to impress me. All of these artists have already made a piece of work that I still love and admire to this day (except teezo but im still rootin for him). What they did this year doesn't change the music they made in the past so I encourage them to explore new sounds rather than try to recapture lighting, it just didn't stick for me personally. If you like these projects then more power to you, I don't even hate these albums outside of the drake one personally. Next blog my official top 10 album list!

1) fountain baby - Amaarae

6 million monthly listeners is far from underground I know... but I still want to spread the agenda, this album is absolutely fun. The production has a mix of Asian and island influences and her vocal inflections range from hype to sexual. the project feels grandiose the beat on "Wasted Eyes" is one of my favorite things, with its punchy drums and magnificent horns it just feels like a true achievement in music. This year has been rather boring for pop music to me, but I found this release to be refreshing like running through a water fountain.

2) The 4th Wall - bbygoyard

Bbygoyard had a busy year this year with 3 whole projects, I think Loreseeker is his best project personally, but 4thwall is an impressive collection of songs. "The 4thwall" is a double album of 4thwall pt1 and 2, part 2 is 10 fold better than part 1, but I wanted to talk about the full package because I feel part 1 needs some recognition despite it lacking the now iconic DJ Smokey taglines that we tend to associate bbygoyard with. The song "New Graphics" is my favorite on side A and has the least amount of streams on the whole album. THIS IS NOT RIGHT, go listen to that song the beat is insane actually and the chorus is catchier than the flu. As for part 2 it has some songs that go crazy as well, "Teacups and kettles", "Slashed Tires" and the now infamous "Vette Sum" go crazy in the car and are just a blast to play. the album is a ton of fun and I recommend it.

3) Safe Travels - Untiljapan

This guy is the definition of aura, I saw his name and album cover and immediately saw his vision. He is a pretty new artist but he has a great ear for beats and can create a dark mood really well. The project has so many great beats the obvious highlight is the clams casino produced track "kiss n tell" which has this gorgeous vocal sample flip and the chop work at the end just elevates the track to a level reminiscent of old A$AP Rocky. Other tracks are really solid too "Dallas Interlude" is just a vibe in the simplest way possible, the song legit leaves me in a trance. "Roundtripz" and "In the Spur" both are really hard songs the latter has a really dope beat that has these keys that just string the beat together nicely. The last highlight I'd like to share is "Cuban Linx" the Bon Iver sample was very unexpected but the subject matter of the song was actually touching and I was shocked he got so vulnerable on the album. Overall the album is kinda rough in terms of flow but he got hella promise I like him.

4) Long Light - Lusine

This is a really solid IDM album, but also a great example of what good mixing can do to elevate a project. I am just in love with the textures of this album, I fell in love with it on a plane ride back in the fall, and has since then been in my rotation for nights where I wear my good headphones. I am a huge fan of the tracks with vocals, I can tell he was going in a more haunting direction, as the vocals on this album strike me more like drones or sirens out in the sea that just captivate me to a rhythm. the title track has to be the highlight for me I am a huge fan of the track build-up because the final 2 minutes of it are just a euphoric rush. to best enjoy a release like this I highly recommend either relaxing, reading, meditating, or studying while listening.

5) SHITUMSS - Joony

Joony is a DMV artist hailing from Maryland the land of good seafood and bad drivers. I find this project to be a blast something about darker atmospheric albums just clicked for me this year I can't lie. the track "OOOOOO" has a really dope beat the melody is murky and the phone ringing in the mix plays a good contrast to keep the tone more energetic. "Keisha" and "Shitumss" both are really hard and have that classic DMV sound. To me, it felt like a throwback to me. The track "Hold Me Down" is also pretty dope Joony taps into his melodic side, it is kinda reminiscent of Nav but I like it. Overall its a solid project I fw Joony.

6) 2MM DONT JUST STAND THERE - SIDESHOW

Sideshow is a perfect mix of being hard and abstract. His production style is just a treat for the ears with a fun mix of soul samples and trap drums. I saw him live and his energy is just elite. If you like MIKE then you would love sideshow. Songs like "JIH LIKE MORANT" is only a minute long but will show you what he is all about give it a try and tap in!

7) Higher than Heaven - Ellie Goulding

Shout out to Ellie Goulding for keeping that 2010's pop alive! While most of her contemporaries of her era ventured off into different sounds, Lady Gaga making albums with Tony Bennet, Miley Cyrus making ballads, and Britaney doing spins in her mansion, Ellie chose to stay the same and improve the formula. This album takes all the aspects I love about 2010's pop and just improves upon them. the beats are so fun and danceable, it's a shame Pop went to a more slow and drab scene. I miss music I could dance to and she got it! "like a savior" "By the end of the night" and "Let it die" have great beats and her vocal range is actually really impressive, she is an amazing singer.

Conclusion

This year was hard for me to recommend albums without talking about my top 10, in all honesty, a lot of albums disappointed me this year, but that is a blog for another day. I still highly recommend these albums and at one point they were in my official top 10 list so i can assure their quality!

Part II. 2297

image: "My Son, the Vampire" (1963)

The year is 2297, the world is run by robots powered by AI and the effects of the AI are not nearly as bad as the ancestors would have thought. I mean sure there was record-high unemployment for nearly 250 years, but in the last 47 years we turned it into a lazy man's paradise. The economy is based around the haves and the have-nots. Those who have a job and those who "have not" a brain. The government realized the human brain is the ultimate supercomputer and it is being wasted on lesser lifeforms when it could be used to power an AI robot 100x more efficiently. So they launched a program where you could lease your brain and get a monthly royalty check. As long as your brain is in a machine then you will get a portion of its earnings. A month of the work a robot can do covers a lifetime of work for the average man. As of late the operation has become rather trendy, if you can get more money doing less then a man without a brain is smarter than one with one... Would ya say so?

Part III. The Mourning

Image: " Tristes Presentimientos De Lo Que Ha De Acontecer" - Francisco Goya

4:37 PM, Danny was awakened from the fortress of his couch by the sound of silence. He veered to the corner of the room to see his wife, Francesca eyeing him with the remote in hand. "I was watching that you knowwww" he uttered his first sentence in what felt like years. She took a deep sigh, "do you know what day it is today?" she muttered in a shakey tone. His eyes began to glow like a dusty projector being used after years of collecting dust. What felt like a wave of hope began to fill her soul as he thought. For a second the anticipation felt as sweet as the euphoria of winning, but you can never count your eggs too early as he would ultimately mutter "Dr.Who Marathon". The heights she felt would ultimately be the heights she fell from as the hope that once filled her soul turned to resentment. She had realized the man she knew was far gone. She would leave that day after writing a note on the side of the bed he had yet to sleep in.

Part IV. Salmon

image: "Fish" - Jacob Pins

The life of the Salmon is the life of wisdom. The salmon sees the wonders of the ocean and fears it. They enjoy its treasures and beauty but realize its dangers are far more severe for their young. they make the sacrifice to go back to where they come from to ensure the safety of their offspring. The journey is filled with many obstacles from humans, and bears but the most fierce of all is the flow of water. Water like time only moves one way, the fish can't change that fact but chooses to push forward anyway with the resilience and determination to secure the next generation. Their legacy lives with their struggle and their sacrifice is reciprocated for generations. Salmon are just one in five species to swim upstream. One must wonder who taught them that and what the salmon see in the ocean to realize they need to come back despite their other brethren settling in the salt. To go upstream isn't to go backwards, the treasures of this world can control you as much as they allure you.

Part V. Downstream

image: “The Storm, or The Shipwreck” — Theodore Gericault

Francesca headed out the door and caught a self-driving cab to a motel. she would light a cigarette by the nightstand and scroll her phone but just saw contacts of people she once called. Tears started to roll down her face like waterfalls, and thoughts of conforming began to fill her mind. What’s the point of swimming upstream if everything I do is unseen? What is the point of being different if nobody cares? Why did I choose this life if it would end up in isolation? She dug into her purse and found an old business card, she started shaking at the realization of what she thought crawled through her spine. “it’s time, one can’t be free if everyone else is in prison.” she nodded and reached for the phone.

Part VI. Caution / Letter

image: “In the Desert Painting” — Slav Nedev

Years passed and like sand in the wind, it all changed. society ultimately collapsed and the world became a jungle of rust and debris. The AI robots eventually saw no need for humans which caused another unemployment high of 100%, which ended in a total bankruptcy of the government, causing the brainless to go broke along with the unemployed. those with a brain tried to revolt but it ultimately led to total annihilation, as within a day we saw nuclear warfare. Nobody survived. The world is a desert of radiation and regret. centuries down the line a truly greater life form would explore a very familiar apartment as they read a burnt note that read “Happy birthday…” The rest of the note was lost due to the war, but the proof of intelligence still stood. in the end, you did exist.

Now I know that is an oldhead ass saying, but if you walk with me right quick I will run you down the highs and lows of this beautiful and twisted genre known as horror. From its origins to its new modern incarnation, I would like to highlight a few films and features of each era today.

Starting off with the birth of horror, the early 1900s focused on religious imagery to garner fear, but I personally doubt fear was what they were trying to achieve with these films. Films like "The Infernal Cauldron" and "The Devil's Castle" utilized slight of hand and primitive camera techniques to create illusions and surprise audiences. While these films are impressive for their time, a modern audience would not even budge let alone move at the peaks of these horrors. What they lacked in fear they more than made up for in creativity and ambition these films were the pioneers of the genre we love today.

(Image: The Devils Castle 1896)

Our next iteration of horror will come from an old literature influence. The rise of the classic monster pictures such as Frankenstein and Dracula, is thanks to movies evolving to being longer and having audio. This was huge for the genre of horror because sound design can really make or break the atmosphere of a film for me. Dracula 1931 still is impressive to me, I find the portrayal of the iconic vampire to still be the blueprint today with the way he dressed, the way his mansion was designed, and of course his iconic accent. I was just a big fan of this era, but these films did not scare me not even an inch. This is more so just a testament to how iconic these characters have become though, I mean it is hard to be scared of characters that appear on seasonal cereal boxes or characters that were played by Adam Sandler. The horror impact these films have may have lost its grip due to society no longer fearing these monsters, but the films of that era are still a treat in my opinion.

The 50's and 60's led to a rise in alien and zombie films, perhaps due to a post-nuclear world, we channeled our fears into the extra terrestrial or the idea of a zombie apocalypse. I'm not sure I don't really care for zombies, but in Japan, they dropped Godzilla which was definitely fueled by the ghosts of the war. what is now a sensationalized mascot for Japan was once an eerie tale of the reproductions of nuclear war. Nuclear war is still very real and has been used as a plot device many times before, but in terms of fear, it is rather low for me... so on to the next era, please.

This is where we finally arrive at the classic era of horror that we know today. The rise of the slasher thanks to the original "Halloween" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". These films birthed a new era of staples and tropes that we would see in horror movies for the next century. the appeal of these slasher films was that they weren't *too* supernatural, it felt like you could be a victim to the killer, and this created real fear. but the fear was only a byproduct of the real appeal of slashers and that is the thrill, slashers made murdering people exciting. It may be a taboo, but deep down everybody wanted to see how many fucked up ways somebody could get killed. Another appeal of these films is the new rise in sex appeal, I find the trope to be beyond tired now but people like a good set of tits when it comes to their slasher movies. Outside of slashers we also got a taste of other classics like Alien and Jaws which appeal to our more primal fear. a fear of the wild, it's our nature to want to feel superior to other species so seeing a killer alien or unstoppable great white shark, made many audiences feel rather unsafe and eerie. While I like Jaws and think it's a good movie, I have to condemn it for the negative reproductions it created on not just cinema but the environment as a whole. It's absurd to me that fear created from a movie can create such a cruel and uneducated movement such as endangering a whole species.

Movies would only get gorier and gorier as the years went on, Jason and Freddy dominated the 80's with their classic franchises, but we also had some other classics such as "The Shining", "The Poltergeist" and "The Thing". I have yet to see those 3 though, I only wrote them down so I can remind myself to get around to them. Horror was alive and booming in the 80's there were just so many options to choose from and it would only continue as we went into the 90's. the 90's burst the gates when it came to the diversity of films. Films like "Silence of the lambs" "Scream" and "Candyman" are phenomenal and push the genre even further than before.

Silence of the Lambs is a cinematic masterpiece filled with suspense, body horror, and twists. it is not only a great horror movie but it is a great movie in general. The horror comes from the fear of the genius and madness of Doctor Hanibal Lecter. Despite him being arguably one of the weaker characters in terms of raw power, I find the sight of him to make me feel so uneasy. Very rarely do you see a character so human seem so monstrous, but he pulls it off perfectly. If you have yet to see this film go give it a watch, the first watch of this movie is one of the best cinematic experiences I have ever had.

Scream is another great film that seeks to parody the (at this point) overdone slasher genre. It does it really well while also ironically enough being a really good slasher. I think the movie is funny and I am a fan of the franchise, scream 6 was really good this year. The climate of the 90's was hot in media due to a rise in censorship, thanks to increasingly violent media. Mortal Kombat had it's blood removed on Nintendo consoles, Beavis couldn't make fires anymore and parents were just looking for ANY REASON other than themselves as to why their kids are acting like assholes. Scream made fun of the notion that violent media creates real-world violence by making a killer inspired by violent movies. it is ridiculous on purpose it challenges the audience to sit and think, "is it reasonable to assume these movies will make me a killer?" the question being rhetorical of course.

Candyman is just a sweet movie man (get it cuz candy is sweet). I would write more but I got a schedule to keep soooo on to the fall of horror...

The 2000's sucked ass for horror movies IMO films like final destination and paranormal activity just bore me or annoy the fuck out of me. Paranormal Activity specifically created a horrible trend in film due to their marketing campaign, the now infamous "theatre reaction" trailer set a new goal for movie studios and it wasn't to make good films. they now aimed to make the biggest reactions. Horror films became over-glorified amusement park rides filled with cheap scares and too-realistic gore. The "Saw" franchise started in the 2000's and I actually think the movies are solid, but they are rather uncomfortable for even me at times I can't lie.

Today though I am very optimistic about horror movies in the future. in the mid to late 2010's we saw a more arthouse take on the genre with studio A24 dropping some solid films such as "Pearl" "Hereditary" and "Midsommar" we also got Jordan Peele dropping some phenomenal films like "Nope" "Get Out" and "Us". These films gave horror the respect it deserved in a post-paranormal activity world and I am looking forward to what comes next.

(this was peak cinema btw)

I love horror, it is the most exciting genre out there, and If I had to pick a favorite scary movie then I would probably go with "The Silence of the Lambs"... hello?... yo you still here??? helloooooo????... Oh, he hung up a while ago..." :(

FIN

Writer's note: welcome to the end, and happy Halloween, I hope you all spent it well and I will catch you all l8r...

Let's start in chronological order, the first thing I did was watch Paprika and shin kamen rider within the same week. These two films were really good Paprika specifically and I am so glad I finally got around to watching it. the group of friends I saw it with are dope and I found myself spending a lot of time with them this summer. Paprika was a generational movie, it is like an anime version of Inception but the overall themes and message are very endearing and I shed a tear watching it. Shin Kamen Rider was a dope action film and I am a fan of the shin series, having been recently put on to it thanks to Shin Ultraman, if you are a fan of that classic era of Japanese cinema then these shin movies will satisfy you for sure. they are both cheesy and badass at the same time.

The next thing I did was go to new york for the Tisakorean show. This trip impacted me way more than I expected, I came back home a fan of both the city of new york and Tisakorean. I already made a blog about tisa before so I will talk about the other aspects of that trip that changed me. My friends and I met Teezotouchdown at the park and he played some unreleased music. That encounter with Teezo, definitely made me become a bigger fan of him. He just looks so cool and I felt he had a nice soul. He is quiet in person I think he is shy. Another thing that was lit in New York was the food, we ate good every day there. There is a fire ass bakery in the train station that genuinely made me think about dropping my diet. I had a key lime pie that was to die for, but my boy said the banana pudding is divine. The library in NYC is a great hangout spot as well I would real life just chill there and read because I was so tired after that early morning train ride. Overall NYC opened me up to the power of short trips, I will be visiting new york a lot, I love it there and it can easily work with my schedule as just a weekend thing. The New York trip reminded me that I wasn't trapped.

After NYC, my next major move would be a month later @ Bonaroo. Bonaroo is basically a hippie Coachella, ngl I was nervous about it. Camping, Hydrating, and all the people seemed kinda stressful to me, but once my homeboy and I set up camp, I felt a sense of joy. before there were shows I was just enjoying the atmosphere of Bonaroo so much, we would literally just go running around and finding new people based on how cool their tents were. Thanks to that strategy we were able to meet new friends and have a group to roll with when we hit shows, which can be very helpful in dealing with big crowds of people. Everything at the festival was amazing, but the main reason I was there was definitely for the artists, and sheesh they did not disappoint. I was able to see, foo fighters, korn, 070 Shake, Baby Keem, Kendrick Lamar, Lil Nas x, Paramore, and so many other great artists. the hardest part about Roo for me was leaving (literally the traffic was insane and it was raining like hell). Overall Roo reminded me that I am young and I love having fun, I genuinely was starting to feel like an old head but that roo energy hit me hard.

Now literally a day after I got back home from Bonnaro. I had my next move, it was a performance for my friend Sam's album release party. I still had my voice partially gone but the energy and musical itch I had post roo gave me plenty of motivation to thug it out. the performance is on youtube, and Sam's album is on streaming everywhere please be sure to support Sam for I am honored that he put me on his show.

I was so tired after all that music though, I decided to lay low for a bit, just work and relax more. I went to Vegas and New York again in July for a BJJ tournament and a small music festival. I was so tired though but I still really enjoyed them. new york part 2 was funny because we went to the club after the music festival, and I ordered Monfungo and ate it right next to the dance floor. At the end of July, I would go to California for my family. I love going to California because I feel loved over there, it has always felt like a home to me, and coming back as an adult is even more interesting. it's a confusing dichotomy because my grandparents still treat me like a baby while my aunts and uncle treat me like a grown ass man. I love it though, I still let my grandma feed me if she wants to fr. My uncle got like 4 kids who are like baby-age. They are really sweet and I loved seeing them and trying to keep them entertained. Overall Cali was a great contrast to the high-action things I had been doing. I was able to take a step back and be with my family which was needed.

To end my summer I saw Beyonce live at FedEx field. As a performer, Beyonce is without a doubt one of the greatest to ever do it. I was flabbergasted at her vocal ability and even though I was at the top row in the rain I felt a true bliss just being able to see and hear what can be argued as musical perfection. On the last day of summer, I went to the fair to officially close the book on my summer vacation. it was a little corny, but in a cute way I rode the Ferris wheel as the fair closed, it was symbolic of me looking at my summer ending from the height I was standing at. From that height I can say I 100% enjoyed the view, my summer has been everything I hoped and then some. In addition to what I mentioned earlier I have also been doing BJJ, and just reading as well. This summer made me enjoy so much in my life and I am currently in a really happy headspace. Thank you to my people who made this summer memorable for me. this really was my best summer ever.

In the very beginning of the album being announced I was not excited at all, I was convinced Travis Scott grew off me. I always associated his music with my cringe ass high school years. Travis did something I didn't expect though, as we got closer to the album dropping he actually made me get hyped, this is one of the best album rollouts since the Kanye donda 1 era. So when that album dropped best believe I was hyped as hell. I got in my car with some homies and loitered in a backroad and let the music run its course.

As for the music itself, I was genuinely blown away by the production and variation. The album takes a more mellow and ambient approach to production for some songs and I feel these tracks play for a great contrast to the more hype rager songs I associate travis with. The first song sets the pace so fucking well, its exciting but dark, it evokes both excitement and curiosity. Modern Jam has a feature from the GOAT teezo touchdown and is produced by 1/2 of daft punk, i just think that's neat the song is easily a highlight for me. My Eyes is another track I really enjoyed, I thought frank ocean was on it for a second when I first spun it, The first half being this cold, slow and ambient like beat serves as a great breather for the beautiful transition into a more hyped up second half. Drake was on the album that song "meltdown" was really good too. Fein was a good song, a younger me would have loved it more, im kind of over carti, but pairing him up with sheck wes and carti doing a new cadence was a great move and made the song hype. That Beyoncé track sounds like a renaissance B-side, which I was all here for. I Know? is probably the catchiest song on my first listen and is one of my favs. I thought YB was on topia twins but it was just Rob49.... :( still a good song. Parasail a great breather track because the next track skitzo is just 6 minutes of hype, we had a good young thug feature and a nice beat switch. Lost forever is really really good one of the first utopia era songs to be shared around, but the album release version has a new beat during westside gunn's part which elevates the song to an upper echelon. looove is good love the dance beat but could do without the cudi verse, i hate when he does that cadence where he sounds like a bored cicada. K-Pop is a good song but it definitly feels out of place, bad bunny is still the goat though and ate it up. Telekenisis is INSANEEE future cant do any wrong and SZA at the end put this in my top 3 fosho. the last song was a good outro James Blake is a safe beat for a feature and the 21 verse was solid.

My overall thoughts on the album, I think its really fun and has potential to be my favorite Travis album, it embraces the darker sounds like rodeo but has the stacked hyped moments like astroworld. Sometimes though I feel travis gets outshined on some of the songs, even on a production standpoint while I liked the beats, I can definitely say they felt like they were made for the featured artists in mind more than travis. Even on some of the solo travis songs like gods country and thank god, it sounds more like a kanye song (well some of the songs are actually old kanye scraps so that makes sense). Travis is good though and does show his versatility on this album really well, I think it will take me more listens to point him out better.

fav songs: Modern Jam, My Eyes, Meltdown, I Know?, Lost Forever, Telekinesis

fav features: Teezo, Drake, Beyonce, Justin Vernon, Westside Gunn, Future, SZA

Did you listen? what do yall think LMK and have a good one yall!

I was drunk asf when I took these sorry 4 bad quality :(

That munch shirt sooo fye doe!!

Anyways back to the story, the vibes were just silly every song he performed really felt like a joke. not a bad joke, a really good joke I had a lot of fun I was enjoying the music on an ironic "soulja boy swag" level of understanding. I think that's where most people see Tisa. Towards the end of his set though he performed one song that really changed my mind on him as an artist...

This fucking song bruh.... Backseat in my opinion is Tisa's magnum opus. it's not just his best song... it is THE BEST SONG EVER. I knew this was a song from don toliver album earlier (spoiler alert go down is my favorite song off Don's album too). Hearing Backseat Live changed me though. This song is both silly and romantic, I feel warm listening to this song. The production and vocal effects are alien even for the average tisa song. Even Tisa knows how special this song is and during the show he had the whole crowd wave their hands around and sing along. This song from that moment had a hold on me and made me realize that tisakorean is more than just a silly dude, he is in fact one of the best artists of our generation.

Speaking of silly dude, I'd like to talk about the next song Sillydude. This song right here is special man, Tisa once again makes a more low-key song. this one is melancholic despite the silly name. This song is about Tisa talking to this girl who says she acts silly, tisa responds by saying that he is silly too, and that he is a silly dude. Now the actual dialogue is simple and not what I'm analyzing. the part I find interesting is the meaning of silly in this song. Silly is said in a more demeaning way, especially when you compare it to his iconic (SILLY!) adlib. I feel this song was about how people look down on silly people, that they discount them and can't take them seriously because they are simply too silly. In the last verse, Tisa said he needs a silly hoe to teach him everything she knows. To Tisa being silly isn't being stupid, being silly is simply a way of life.

Part II. Embrace the silly :3

SILLY SILLY SILLY SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you gotta be a silly hoe. the philosophy of tisakorean and his music is that it is fun > perfect. his albums and songs are all about moments you can't just play his album front 2 back in ur bedroom alone you need to be in a silly mood to have fun. the two songs I mentioned earlier are probably his few exceptions to my rule because I can spin those songs alone all the time (believe me I DID HAHAHA). We enjoy music the same way we enjoy the beach on a summer day. There are albums that are critically acclaimed and viewed as a perfect piece of work, this is akin to people metal detecting for gold by the shore. Sure there is a lot of work in understanding some of these harder albums but the payoff is well worth it. Artists like Drake are the beach volleyball of music, it's fun and accessible and everyone can get into it. Lastly, we have Tisa's music he makes the music for the silly hoes who play around in the water or build sand boobs on top of their homies. It's childish, it's silly but it's both oddly nostalgic and really fun. Once in a while enjoy the water, my friends, it's a hot summer after all :P

Authors note:

been soooo busy, this is just a #silly post I'm working on a bigger one behind the scenes :P

Been a great summer I am really in a good place rn and I am excited to be going back 2 NY again this Saturday, hence my sudden nostalgia for my earlier NY trip hahhaha. Other updates / future blog topics - Bonnaroo was special easily my favorite trip ever I had a blast !

- Vegas was really fun too and inspired me a lot in both BJJ and other future ventures !

- Honored 2 perform at Sam's album listening party (i got to perform backseat yayyyy)

- I NEED TO MAKE A COMIC AND DRAW MORE I HAVE IDEAS

- buying a drawing tablet or iPad b4 school starts

- Music is rolling well now finally working on the album I am very excited for this

- working on a movie as well with some other friends, a far more serious endeavor but I would love 2 make something that will #shock yall

- NY -> Cali -> Yonce is how my summer ends really can't complain this my best summer ever

- Thank u all 4 da continued support n patience PS Javier & Enoch I aint 4get bout yall i will reach out s00n thank u for ya understanding i jus been MIA (no 305)

So how will I make my summer hit different? Right now am trying to maximize spending more time with the people around me and doing more local activities that I love in the DMV. Things like museums, libraries, concerts, and sports are all things I really would love to do this summer, hell I would even enjoy just chilling with a homie and watching TV. I really don't have the dreams of grandeur that I once had as of right now I only got 1 vacation planned and that is Bonaroo, and personally I am okay with that (but mom i know u read my blogs, I AM LYING ON THIS SENTANCE pleaseeee i wanna go to cali again cuz i miss the fam). okay soooo I really want 2 vacations, but a family trip doesn't count sooo IDC go debate a wall. Back to the main point, for the summer I am really just contempt with chilling and doing the same activities that drove me mad in summer's past. maybe I am changing as a person but a lot of things don't excite me like they used to anymore and with everything I lost interest in I gained an appreciation for new things. Just this week I learned that I really love helping kids, I signed up to do some volunteer work this summer because it seems like something I would genuinely enjoy. Another thing I am finding interest in is museums. I am so blessed to live in the DMV area due to the treasure trove of information that lies behind each of our grand Smithsonian, but really I just like to go there and joke around it's not like I'm a nerd of something hahahahha. Another thing I love now is Brazillian Juijitsu, one of my co-workers invited me to train in his gym and I am having such a ball with it so far. it is a great martial art due to the combination of thinking and physical skill it is a true workout for the mind and body and I am absolutely IN LOVE with it.

Other things I am doing this summer is watching more movies and doing some short day trips. after finding out I can travel to NY for only 40 dollars round trip via train, it gave me a lot of ideas and I know once I get paid I will take a day trip over the weekend and blow a check on some dumb shit. The movies this summer will be really good too, I am very hyped for the Barbie movie, spider-verse, Asteroid City, Haunted Mansion, and so much more. Next week I am doing back-to-back movie nights with Paprika, and shin kamen rider. I am super excited to watch all of these films this summer and since I got a job best believe imma buy them blue icee's too IDGAF if it's a scam or it makes my tongue look like an ed edd n eddy character.

My summer will end dope too with Drake and Beyonce in the same week those concerts will be legendary I tell you, legendary! Overall I am highly optimistic and excited to end this summer saga and eventually end this college life in general... but that's a blog post for another day ^~*

Manufactured nostalgia is one thing that has started to irk me more as I’ve grown older. As an #official twenty-something-year-old, I can tell you that there is an increase in “2000’s babies” nostalgia on the internet and in my day-to-day conversations. From my Twitter timeline being full of Spongebob clips, to people trying to gas up those terrible Debby cakes we used to eat as kids. It has gotten sooooo bad these days that even things like the school light fixtures can make people nostalgic. In my opinion, though these things are nothing more than shallow memories that don’t really have much nostalgia because it was just things that were forced upon you. Everyone knows these things and grew up with them, so what makes them special to you? For something to be truly nostalgic, you need a strong emotional connection not just a shallow “Oh yea I remember this as a kid” answer.

Today I want to talk about unusual nostalgia, and why it's different than the oversaturated Twitter bait nostalgia we see in our day-to-day lives. First of all, what is unusual nostalgia? Well since it is a term I made up, I figure I am the most qualified to tell yall, it is a specific thing from your past that only you (or a small population) feel nostalgic for. Seems pretty simple right? But in my opinion, it is its exclusivity that makes it infinitely more meaningful.

As humans we are designed to find comfort in conformity, we want to feel we fit in with the people around us. This is why so many people find comfort and nostalgia in even the most mundane things of the past. The only true connection they have to it is that everyone else shares that connection. While I do value a shared experience in life, I find this form of nostalgia to ultimately be damaging because it can tend to alienate your present self from society. It is a mindset that allows you to adopt a “life was better back than” mindset. Picture this when we are in our 70s and retired are we going to talk about our office cubicles like how we talk about our high school desks? The answer should hopefully be no, because that would be really sad if we was nostalgic over that. I think school and childhood nostalgia is really easy to make for most people because, for a lot of people, it was a time when they felt the most social due to them not having to try as hard to make friends back then. This type of nostalgia is the junk food of memories it lacks effort and only fulfills you through the most artificial means possible.

For me, the type of nostalgia I value is far more unusual. The nostalgia doesn’t only take me back to my past but also helps build me up to be the man I am today. The personal experiences I hold dear that have changed me are what make up most of my nostalgia. I don’t hold high school in high regard, but I am forever grateful and nostalgic for the football team, and some of my teachers specifically my Spanish teacher Mr.Gale and my government teacher Mr.Busch. These people have given me memories and opportunities to grow and while I don’t look back at my time in high school as something I want to experience again, I find comfort in the fact that I can take a pleasant look at my past and come out with a brighter outlook on my future.

To get into even more obscure and weird nostalgia though, I will have to go even further back in my life to my childhood. This in my opinion is where I find my true nostalgia. There are three things that make me feel the most nostalgic, the PlayStation 2 startup sound, yellow bricks, and two albums, the first album being “the colour and the Shape” by the foo fighters and the other being a George Michael compilation album.

The PS2 was a staple in my family quite literally we would spend nights playing Madden or mortal kombat. I was just a little kid so I sucked at both games but I would always remember hearing that sharp start-up sound. It was a sound that was both frightening and enticing, as a child a lot of things seem more scary than what they actually are and nothing encapsulated my childhood fear like that sound. The irony with the fear is that it was all irrational, behind that seemingly traumatizing sound lay some of my favorite gaming memories ever. That sound and that experience shaped me in my future, I don’t really get scared rather I get excited more often. A lot of things that can scare you, can also be challenges and opportunities to do new things. That is one of the main reasons why I’m not a nervous or shy person when it comes to new experiences.

Yellow bricks are weird, but growing up both my parents would work so I would spend a lot of my early years at my grandma's house. She lived in this small little yellow brick house in a culdesac. Her house was like something I have never seen before it kinda reminded me of something you would build out of Legos. In a time when I didn’t know addresses or even how to read I found it importance of those yellow bricks to be paramount in my knowing where I was at. The idea that she lived in a place that felt like a landmark to me made me feel safe, even when I was away from my mom and dad. I was a clingy baby (big-time mama’s boy) so me being away woulda scared me, but something about my grandma and her yellow brick home always felt comforting to me. My grandma was dope and we would spend our time together watching cartoons, laughing, and eating. She would spoil the fuck out of me, I can’t even lie, I knew she was real when she would watch Ed Edd n Eddy with me, because my parents used to think a lot of my favorite shows were gross and weird so sharing that with her felt really nice. Every time I see yellow bricks I think of my grandma and I feel comforted, no matter where I go I can always find a home within my heart.

Lastly are the two albums, now if you are an avid or even casual reader of my blogs, then you should know by now that I really love music, but alas that was not always the case. Growing up I was indifferent to music the only things I heard were whatever was on the radio, my mom's Arabic music, and my dad's music. Now both my parents have implanted their music taste in me over time but I will say, as of late I have started to feel nostalgic and more connected with my dad's music. My dad's music taste is based a lot on the ’80s and 90’s music, growing up I heard a lot of A-HA, Foo Fighters, George Michael, Phil Collins, Prince, Michael Jackson, and of course the various random one-hit wonder bands of that era as well that I just can’t seem to name right now. Now I like all the artists I mentioned above, but the two that make me feel nostalgic would have to be Foo Fighters and George Michael. Foo Fighters is responsible for making my favorite rock album of all time, this is due to my dad playing songs like “My Hero” and “Everlong” all the time back in the day. It was the first time I had ever seen my father dissect the meaning and lyrics of a song and try to tell me something about it. Seeing him become passionate about a song was something I was annoyed by as a child, but as I grew into my own being I find that passion to mean a lot, especially coming from my dad who isn’t as into music as I am. It really felt like a full circle moment when the feelings my dad had for the music became the feelings I have for the music, and it makes me nostalgic for the days he would play that album in his pickup truck. The second album is George Michael’s “Ladies and Gentleman… the best of George Michael”. This album was just a compilation of some of his biggest hits. We had this one on CD and as a kid, I had no idea half the songs on here were about sex, but I really loved the music. This was the album we would pop in the car and drive around on a sunny day with no destination. Hearing songs like “Don't Let the sun come down on Me” as you are cruising in the back seat as the sunsets on the most scenic road you have ever laid your eyes on. It was a moment that felt straight out of a movie for me. What makes George Michael’s music special to me is that it is dramatic enough to make a moment special without taking you out of the moment. He has songs that I would argue are objectively perfect or at least perfect for specific moments. This CD made me appreciate music the same way I appreciate wine today, it is something that only elevates life. Overall I think the nostalgia for my dad’s music taste ultimately lies in the fact I am getting older and I have my own taste now, but whenever I overlap with my father in songs it always feels special to me. We are two drastically different people but even we can find some common ground and I truly think that is fantastic.

Nostalgia is a great feeling, I view it like an elegant dish rather than a tube of fast food that is constantly being fed to us. The feeling of nostalgia has to come up naturally through our own brain recognition, not just through some internet post trying to force positive memories to keep you complacent in life. Nostalgia is a feeling that should make you thankful for the journey because it brought you to where you are now, not because you want to drive back. The truth of the matter is for most of us are still young and can achieve many more memories that can fuel our future nostalgia, so let’s keep driving

she is me asf! she is me asf! she is me asf! she is me asf! she is me asf! she is me asf!

Authors note

Thank you for reading this blog post, Summer is officially here for me, and I am going to be very ambitious this summer. I have a few trips already planned out and I want to hang out with a lot of people this summer and make some new memories, If you want to hang out please reach out to me sometimes I need a reason to be motivated, as is the curse of being an introvert. Overall I am doing good on my 2023 goals though, my gym process is going great, I need to pick up drawing again, but music and writing are going smooth too I got some nice things planned stay tuned!

The first factor is the scenery. Music is meant to be the soundtrack to our own lives and if our movies take place in the same 3 sets then we are bound to feel that our score is out of place. I love future but his music simply doesn't hit the same when I am on my college campus, or when I am listening to Call me if you get lost in the cold ass streets of Richmond I am bound to feel a disconnect to the music. Just like a movie score, our songs should enhance the places we are at instead of taking us away from them. For me personally, a change of scenery was necessary since 2023 started I have rarely been outside, but as soon as I went outside I found that a change of scenery enhanced my music listening so much. I was bumping that new kali uchis album on the beach and it was so gorgeous I genuinely felt like I was in heaven. You don't have to travel too far though to change your scenery though. Sometimes all you need is a nighttime drive, or a walk through the park to find a new appreciation for not just the music but life itself. One of my favorite things to do is go to the art museum and play Aphex Twin, it just enhances my experience so much more. Or when I cook I like to play bossa nova. So to conclude I feel a change of scenery can enhance your life and music so much more.

The next factor is movement, whether you are driving, fucking, or dancing you are still moving. Music in its base factor is built on rhythms and beats (even taylor swift, unfortunately) and our society has become more and more sedentary as time and technology have progressed. I want you to dance IDC if you are bad at it, just bust a move and you will not only hear the music, but you will also feel it. Usually, when new music drops it is midnight on a Thursday night and I am in my room. of course, I can't just start dancing around like a lunatic my neighbors are trying to sleep. So now usually on the first listens I try to head bump or do some little hand movements just as a way to feel the rhythm more, but for some albums, I can't fully get a grasp on them until I can actually fully move and dance. Drakes honestly nevermind is a great example of this. The amount of love I have for this album is genuinely stupid, but it dropped in the summer and I was literally traveling when the album dropped. My first listen I was in a hotel room rocking getting hyped in my bed. The next day though that is when the album had a new level for me, as I was going home from the airport I had songs like "flights booked", "Sticky" and "Jimmy Cooks" on repeat. and I started to feel the album on a personal level. Seeing the wings of a plane while drake sings in the most hypnotic way possible on flights booked is a memory I will forever hold when it comes to travel and now I do it every time I am on a plane.

The last factor is mindset. In the era of social media and short attention spans it feels so important to be able to stay on the most current event. In turn, though this has destroyed a lot of enjoyment in media. I had a script for a video I scrapped about the problem with oversaturation, but basically one of the points I made was how we value the power of holding a first take. How we want to set a trend of opinions. When Lil Yachty dropped his album this year everyone on Twitter was singing its praises saying how generational he is as an artist, but now nobody is talking about the album anymore. The music discourse on social media has become a cycle of chewing and spitting when really music is a meal. We are allowed to have first impressions but when you take a first impression as the fact you may fail to see what lies beyond your initial perception of the art. On the other side of things, we have the dangers of over-dissecting music. I notice this problem more so with me and my friends who make music, a musician's ear, and mind are far pickier on things than the average fan (not to sound snobby of course). This pickiness is important to have especially when it comes to elevating your own craft, I wouldn't trust a chef whose favorite restaurant is McDonald's, but on the flip side, this criticalness can lead to a loss of love and passion for the art. the music can feel like a job and at that point, the cynicism and disdain have completely taken over. I have had that feeling personally I have had an era where I genuinely didn't like a lot of the music coming out. I had to change my mindset for some albums in order to enjoy them again. I realized not every album is a Michelin star meal, sometimes fast food is good. Albums this year like trippie redd and YB have a lot of tracks but don't really say much as an album. Yet I was able to find enjoyment in them by turning off my mind and just feeling the energy. That trippie redd album sounded so good to me while I was playing MW2, and I'm a grown-ass man I don't listen to trippie at all but that night it just hit different. Some music on the other hand is rewarding to dissect. For me personally, Vince Staples's Ramona Park Broke my heart has become my favorite album of all time due to my dissection and analysis of the album. the beauty of the music is you can make it as deep as you want it and to me, that album has significant meaning that I can bore you all day about, but that's a post for another time.

Thank you so much for reading my article it feels good to be writing again. I forgot how much I enjoyed this. In other random life updates, I am picking up drawing again, doing Judo tomorrow, hitting the gym consistently and I am trying to get back into the swing of music. I have a plan for my music and I don't wanna let myself down, but with my mood feeling motivated again and my music sounding perfect I have no doubt that I can do it. Thank ya so much again for reading and have a great day !!!

IM HER ASF IM HER ASF IM HER ASF

Now, what does this have to do with resolutions? well traditionally I have never been a new years fan, I used to think that people never really changed from their "true nature". However, through my own personal growth and the countless transformations I have seen firsthand, I have found a new perception of life. We can change in fact it is what we are supposed to do. As quoted by John Henry Patterson "Only fools and dead men don't change their minds. Fools won't. Dead men can't.". I was a fool, stubborn in my own ways and ideals, but I am genuinely glad I am starting to be more open to new ideas and philosophies. One thing that is a sign of my newfound openness is my new love for holidays and their symbolic meanings. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's have all found a new meaning for me and have made me appreciate life and the people in it far more than I could have ever imagined.

New Year's is great because it is a symbolic fresh start. People who tend to detest the day have a problem of framing it wrong. They tend to frame it as a fresh start from their problems, while in actuality it is a fresh start for your own mind. Outside nothing changes and you can never truly control it anyways, the only thing you can control is yourself and the decisions you make. It is up to you to not only set goals and standards for yourself but to also maintain and improve upon them. That level of accountability and responsibility excites me personally as a true way to challenge and measure my own growth. So for this new year, I would like to make some solid resolutions and plan them out.

Part I. the physical

Okay, this one is probably the easiest to state, but hardest to maintain, but I want to get a workout routine going. where I work at least 4 times a week. I do not wish to be a big muscle man, but I would love a leaner body. I will also be holding myself to a far stricter diet. while I usually don't eat a lot, what I do eat tends to be rather unhealthy. I need to cut down on candy and fast food and increase my intake of vegetables and fruits. My ultimate goal with this regiment isn't to get all the bad bitches or whatever... I just want to be able to kick my brother's ass again.

Part II. the arts

Storytime, back in middle school I used to take a karate class, and every day after school this bus would pick my brother and me up. The bus was filled with my fellow peers and it drove us to the dojo, now one of my peers was a kid named Ian. Ian had a chipmunk ass head and would always be joking around. He was super funny and I would laugh my ass off on that bus. one of those days the bus hit a speed bump and that kid Ian had his cheeks bust a whole emote. I have never seen cheeks move like that and I genuinely laughed at it for a solid 30 minutes and it became one of the best jokes on that bus. That is when my inspiration struck. I had a spare spiral notebook at home and quickly started making my comic book based around Ian and his fat cheeks. On the bus, I would talk to Ian about his life and whatnot and I would use that as inspiration for this whole world I created. He would tell me about this annoying girl in his school named Mariah who bullies him, so I made her my main antagonist, his sidekick was his real-life best friend and our sensei was his master in the comic who would yell at him and pester him about everything. The story I crafted was very nonsensical and I wore my inspirations on my sleeve without a doubt. The original trilogy of Ian comics was inspired by Captain Underpants, Star Wars, and Adventure time. Oddly enough though looking back on the character I do find a lot of similarities between Ian and Luffy, Especially with their body-stretching fighting styles and goofy personalities. Now that story aside, we come to the question... "what do I want to do?". I want to learn how to draw and eventually make my own comic. I want to create a grand story that spans multiple volumes and chapters, Something that will entertain me and my taste because as a kid I was not a fan of reading, but I would laugh my ass off at my own comics. is it narcissistic? Probably, but if I don't like what I'm making then why would I even make it?

Part III. The Mental

Okay, so if you read my "I dropped an album" and my "I Fucking Love One Piece" articles then you would have seen I identified some things that I changed mentally, but I would like to add onto that as well. This year I want to find the beauty in everything, I am sick of hating things, so I will push my taste to a new level and find to time to enjoy the journey of greatness more than the results of it. I want to be optimistic to try everything and even when I don't succeed I don't want to be deterred. I want to enjoy the process of learning just as much as mastering things.

The Pink Fish Theory

My Fish and Vince Staples, are to be credited for this theory I am about to present. We are all fish in tanks that are too small for us. The tank is a metaphor for our mindset and the fish is ourselves, mind > matter. We need to constantly evolve and grow our minds or else we will die. death in a spiritual sense, as a state of stillness in development. The beauty of it all is that we only have to focus on growing our minds rather than our physical bodies. When you give the fish a bigger thank it will allow it to naturally grow. Same with our own bodies, when you have big goals and a positive mindset then you will find yourself unconsciously growing and becoming stronger. we are designed to dream bigger than what we are, just like the fish cannot be bigger than the tank it is in. Thank you so much and have a happy new year. I hope that all your goals and plans are set in motion and that you continue to grow. - MouSa.

Of course, to truly achieve those dreams you don't only need confidence in yourself but you also need confidence and trust in those around you. This is where I personally fell short in the past and I apologize I should trust some of yall more. My distrust didn't come from a false superiority but more so a fear of nobody being able to truly relate to me. Thankfully though seeing the straw hat pirates gain each other's trust I felt myself being more open vicariously. Every Straw hat I have met (so far) has taught me a valuable lesson, Luffy taught me I can take on the world with a good attitude and a good group of people. Zoro taught me the power of will and self-discipline and at times during my hiatus, I truly felt like him. Nami taught me how to trust people you initially didn't like at all. Sanji taught me about the purity of positive emotions like love and bonds. Tony Tony Chopper taught me about fighting for a cause despite the odds like a true pirate. IDGAF bout how cringe this shit sounds A MF LIKE I actually cried watching this show so many times. When Luffy called on Nami in arlong park, Chopper's backstory, hell even the damn dog from the first arc had me crying. Oh wait I forgot Usopp... ermm I like dude but he be lying too much tbh lol I was already good at lying before though so maybe he gets braver later in the show. I love all the straw hat pirates and I will not forget what they represent to me.

Tying it all together now. I am back on the internet now but not as an escape from my reality which had only caused my existential angst and fears, but more so as a way to truly solidify my bonds to the outside world. The truth of the matter is I was good alone I found a job now, I am talking to a therapist right now and I have been on top of my assignments, while this may be good I am in search of better. What I truly value in my life is an adventure, and while I don't truly know where it will take me I am sure as hell to enjoy the company and stories along the way. In the end, it isn't the one with the most power who is the happiest, it is the one who is the freest. I am in search of my freedom and I can't achieve the goal without my crew. and there will always be room for you if you want to be my friend.

- Monkey D. Mousa (sorry I'm only gone sign my name like this one time the alliteration just fit lol)